


Against All Odds

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parent Leia Organa, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Character Bashing, Flashbacks, Good Parent Han Solo, Hux is Not Nice, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kylo Ren Backstory, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Leia Organa bashing, Love Confessions, Luke Skywalker Is An Asshole, Luke Skywalker bashing, M/M, Not Reylo, POV Kylo Ren, POV Poe Dameron, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Tragic Romance, if briefly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 07:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After the battle of Crait, Poe struggles to come to grips — and do something to, against all odds, save Kylo Ren.





	1. True Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For MidgardianNerd.

——————————-

It was night when Poe heard a knock on his door. Even stumbling, blearily, over towards the source of the disturbance, he opened the door. Ben was standing there, looking positively worse for wear, messy haired and wide-eyed and absolutely terrified. Poe already knew he loved him, but it was only driven further in with the knowledge that he would do whatever it took just to take Ben’s pain away. Whoever had scared him, whoever had hurt him...

“What happened, Ben?” Poe said. “What’s wrong?”

”I d-didn’t want to.” Ben was shuddering for breath even as he spoke. “He was standing over me with his lightsaber, and I panicked — ”

“Who was?” Poe said, softly. “Who was, Ben?” Stars, whoever had tried to hurt Ben, he’d kill them. 

Ben shook his head, almost like he couldn’t bear to even wrap his mind around it. Almost like the betrayal cut too deep. 

“It’s okay, Ben,” Poe said. “I won’t let him hurt you.”

Ben nodded. “I believe you.”

”Come on; I have caffa.”

Caffa should calm both their nerves, all things considered. 

Even watching Ben sip from the mug of caffa, his full lips downing every drop, Poe envied that mug. He almost wanted to be that mug, feeling Ben’s full lips on him. Ben was nineteen and Poe twenty-two, and some would say that they were too young to be certain they had found the love of their lives, but Poe couldn’t picture himself with anyone else. 

“It’s very sweet,” Ben said, softly. “You add something to it?”

Poe nodded. “You could say that. Honey, basically.” A faint smile. “It helps.”

”A little. Poe...” Ben took a deep breath. “This might be the last night you see me.”

”What?” Poe’s lips felt numb even as he spoke.

”I have to leave. I couldn’t complete my training. Not...after everything.” Even as Ben said that, Poe couldn’t help but wonder what exactly Ben wasn’t saying. “There’s someone, but I have to go far away.”

”Let me go with you.” Poe said. 

Ben shook his head. “You have no place in this story. You did nothing wrong.”

”So I’m not good enough for you?”

Ben sighed. “It’s not like that at all.”

”Then what is it like, Ben? Tell me.”

Silence. 

“You don’t know how rare you are, Poe. How bright your light is. If I took you with me, it would taint your light. You’re not a Jedi or a Force user, but you’re better than they could ever hope to be.”

Poe swallowed. “Ben...”

”You don’t have a place in this story, because you’re too good for me. Too Light.”

”And you’re not good enough? Ben...you have no idea how much you mean to me.”

”I do.” Ben said. “I just don’t know why.”

He places the cup of caffa down on the table, walked over towards Poe and stroked a lock of hair away from his eyes. Poe could already feel his eyes flood over. 

“I love you,” he finally said. “I have for a while.”

Ben smiled sadly. “You don’t have to tell me, Poe. I knew all along. You think I couldn’t hear you?” A beat. “Never doubt that I love you. It won’t be an easy road. But someone’s got to light the way for others, from now into the future.”

Their lips touched, and Poe wished it was under better circumstances. Maybe something like at the end of a romantic holo, when the two lovers finally admitted how they felt. A happy ending, as opposed to likely the last time that they ever saw each other. They broke away, and Ben smiled faintly. “I’ll be safe, Poe,” he said. “I promise.”

Poe hoped he could keep that promise. 

***

True love hurt. Poe knew this. Even in his room on the Millennium Falcon, he knew this. He didn’t expect it to tear at him, scratch at him, claw at him, burn him. He remembered seeing Kylo Ren through the binoculars — seeing Ben. 

He couldn’t calm down. His breathing was coming in shallow. Even breathing felt like drowning on dry land. He’d kept calm, almost understated because that was what he did in a crisis, that was what he was good at. But this...

Being tortured by Kylo Ren was bad enough. Forced to relive Ben’s departure, among other memories. 

Being tortured by Ben...

Poe kicked the wall. It only resulted in a very sore foot, but at least he got the frustration out somehow. He sat down forcefully on the bed, and it was there that he saw a box of Ben’s old belongings. 

There was his calligraphy set. An old painting of Poe — something that seemed almost idealized, almost angelic, something that said volumes about how Ben saw him. Too Light for him...like Poe hadn’t occasionally thought Ben was too good for him too, some remarkable being beyond comprehension...

He ought to destroy the box. 

He couldn’t. 

True love hurt. But in his room, Poe could at least be certain that love and hate mingled together hurt worse. 

 

 

 


	2. Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We check in with Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Couldn’t resist a KOTOR II reference.

_He didn’t want to do this._

_Kylo Ren usually wasn’t the sort of being who relished in interrogations. Some would say that he did, that he was a monster that fed on the pain of others like Dagobah mosquitoes fed on blood. The truth was that he never had liked interrogations. Even his first interrogation had resulted in him vomiting afterwards, where no one could see or hear him. He had been twenty, and it had scared him seeing the prisoner come apart so easily._

_He’d gotten used to interrogations from there, but he never relished in them. Hux probably would, but not him. Ren had his limits. Even though he wished he didn’t._

_It would be easier if he didn’t._

_Now...now he headed towards the interrogation chamber. Some of the interrogations had varied in terms of where they took place, such as in Snoke’s throne room as practice. But this...this was where they usually took place. A dark room, where the shadows usually kept Kylo safe and enshrouded._

_It would be for the best if Poe never saw what was underneath that mask. It would break him. Stars knew that Kylo was already broken._

_He turned to Hux. “I trust that you can handle things from here?”_

_Hux sneered. “If I didn’t know better, Ren, I’d say you were a bit squeamish.”_

_Irritation bristled in Kylo. “That is no business of yours. I prefer, if possible, to do this myself as a last resort.”_

_”You never did this before, Ren.”_

_But I did, Kylo thought. The last time he had felt like this was his first interrogation. Strangers were one thing. But Poe..._

_He couldn’t imagine taking Poe and breaking him into little pieces. It was something Ben Solo couldn’t fathom, but for Kylo Ren, it was an all too terrible reality._

_He tried to remember what the Supreme Leader had said. Poe was an enemy. Complicit with terrorists, if not his mother’s most trusted terrorist. He couldn’t quite believe it._

_“If you think that science can do what the Force cannot,” Ren said, “Why don’t you prove it, General?”_

_Hux bristled. “Mark my words, I’ll have the information out of him if you don’t have the stomach for the deed.”_

_***_

Kylo woke, and he knew exactly how that flashback-dream ended. He had taken matters into his own hands. Invading Poe’s mind, something he thought he’d never do — taking an angel and shattering him. He’d done nothing to diminish Poe’s light, as far as he knew, but even remembering going through memory after memory...

That had been under Snoke’s orders. The whole mission to Jakku. Poe’s capture. Nearly shattering Poe’s mind. He’d hurt Poe. It was just one of many things he had done that made him the monster that sentient beings would give anything to kill. 

He got up, dressed, headed to breakfast. Hux greeted him with the sort of look that suggested false concern, and Kylo ignored it. It would be the right opportunity to flick Hux casually into a wall, but Kylo doubted he wanted anyone to acknowledge him. 

It was after breakfast that they reconvened. The hyperspace tracker had been one of many things badly damaged thanks to the late Vice Admiral Holdo ramming the ship, so they couldn’t track the Resistance freely. There was just a question as to where to go next. The Resistance...it needed to die. When Kylo had assumed the title of Supreme Leader, it was like his eyes had opened. He saw everything, and things were too clear. And he wouldn’t feel anything at all...wouldn’t he?

”You’re stalling, aren’t you?” Hux, this time. No sympathy in his voice, of course. Hux was not a man of sympathy. 

“That’s no business of yours.” Ren said. 

“If it means treason, it’s very much my business.” Hux took a deep breath. “When you attacked the Resistance on Crait, at least you had a spine.”

Kylo bristled. “My resolve is as strong as ever.”

”Really? If I didn’t know better, I’d say that the girl was the reason you were stalling. Or is it Dam — ”

Kylo cut him off by flicking him into a wall. The others watched, clearly afraid to say anything. 

“If anyone else so much as questions what I’m doing,” Kylo said. “You’ll be next.”

He left. It was back in his chambers that he could begin to calm himself. Shaking, he regained his breath and reflected. Hux did know how to press his buttons, he would say that much. As always. Even mentioning Poe, or Rey...

Rey didn’t hurt as much as Poe. Perhaps he wasn’t as attached to her. Perhaps he was used to losing people now. But Rey...it was an idea that she chased. A fantasy of a boy she’d never known, only had inklings of. Just a shadow. 

He couldn’t be that shadow for her. 

He eventually got up, took one of the holocrons from the shelf. He’d collected them from Snoke’s chambers after his passing. They seemed to be useful now, at least. This one was an old relic. Darth Sion’s holocron. This was made long before Kylo Ren was born, back when the Old Republic was still young. 

It opened, showing the scarred, shirtless man. Kylo knew that everything in this holocron would be ironic without a doubt considering how Sion had ultimately been defeated by lingering sentiment to the Exile Arawn Sinn...but he had used his hatred, anger and anguish to survive for quite some time.

Kylo could swear that he now swam in it. 

Sion spoke, in that moment, a rumble that seemed to come from the depths of a planet. “I am Darth Sion, Lord of Pain...”


	3. Origin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe’s falling out with Leia leads to unexpected revelations via Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: MidgardianNerd made this moodboard I’m including here: https://midgardiannerd.tumblr.com/post/180324337487/darkpilot-aesthetic-against-all-odds-moodboard-1. She deserves so much more recognition than she gets. 
> 
> As for the Luke and Leia bashing...honestly, I didn’t expect it, but once I got started, I couldn’t stop. I mean, Leia’s a horrible mother, and Luke’s a monster.

Breakfast was a bit foggy, more than a bit foggy actually. After a series of nightmares where Ben unmasked was torturing him, Poe didn’t know if he was up for talking to anyone. Even at breakfast, while Finn was watching over a still-unconscious Rose and having pancakes at the same time (old Corellian pancakes), Poe picked at his food. Eating was difficult. He kept seeing Ben’s eyes, large and expressive, while the dream image repeated “It’s for your own good” to him again and again. 

And then there was everything else. Holdo was gone because of him. Paige Tico was gone because of him. There was Tallie and so many others who should have just been there, but they were missing. Empty spots where they should have been sitting. 

“Poe.” Kaydel’s voice. “You okay?”

Poe nodded as he looked at her. “I had a rough night.”

Kaydel sighed. “Join the club. I’m just worried about Rose pulling through.” A beat. “ ‘Course, I guess I’ll try not to...get in the way when she wakes up..."

”You and Finn...” 

“Not really.”

Poe could put two and two together. “You and Rose?”

Kaydel nodded. “She’s...an extraordinary young woman. I don’t think she knows how much."

The way she said it, Poe was reminded painfully of how he felt about Ben before it all went wrong. When everything about him was beautiful and there was nothing wrong with him. Kaydel had that sort of gentleness in her voice, like Rose had no idea how much she meant to Kaydel. Poe couldn’t help but feel his heart breaking for her. “She’ll wake up, Kay,” he said. “You can count on it.”

***

He didn’t think he’d actually confront General Organa. Even storming up to her in the cockpit of the Falcon, Poe couldn’t help but feel more than a bit intimidated. And yet at the same time, his sheer anger outweighed how intimidated he was. “You lied to all of us,” Poe said. 

“About what?”

”About Ben!” Poe said. “The way you talked about him, it was like he was just another dirty secret to you.” Brushed under the cargo ramp, completely dismissed. “Why didn’t you tell me he was Kylo Ren?”

General Organa was quiet for a moment. Then, softly, “What did you want me to say?”

”The truth,” Poe said. “You couldn’t have hurt me anymore than if you decided to shoot me. Oh wait — you did."

”I wouldn’t have done it if I absolutely didn’t have to.”

”The tasing me when I surrendered thing or the lying to me thing?”

”Both.”

”Really? I guess I can forgive you tasing me; what’s a little bit of unconsciousness between General and subordinate?” Poe said sarcastically. General Organa didn’t even wince, so Poe continued. “But I can’t forgive you lying to me. I can’t forgive you hiding the fact that the man who tortured me was your own son. I can’t forgive you either for trying to forget him.”

”It’s better off if we forget him.”

”I can’t.” Poe’s voice cracked as he spoke. “He hurt me, and killed so many people, but...” He thought of Ben handing him a painting that he’d made, complete with a calligraphy version of Poe’s name, and he simply couldn’t forget him. 

“He’s irredeemable. I should have known from the start,” Leia said. "I always knew he was a monster.”

”He wasn’t born a monster.” He could still remember Ben, giving him his best kath hound puppy eyes to get Poe to let him look at his A-wing that his mother owned...the sort of kath hound puppy eyes that made him look almost like an actual puppy. Long ago, he’d been innocent, and he’d been one of Poe’s dearest friends — before, at eighteen, being more. 

“Of course you didn’t sense it. You never sensed the amount of Vader in him. And he proved me right.”

Poe couldn’t imagine. Of course he couldn’t. He’d seen how Luke treated Ben, almost like he was a minefield instead of a sentient being. Or the bantha droppings under his boot. Leia and Luke had been scared of Ben. Only Han wasn’t, probably because he didn’t see the galaxy as Light and Dark and probably because he actually loved his son. Leia was just a cold shell. If there was any love in her...

”Maybe you were the wrong person to have children.” Poe snapped. “If Ben were raised by literally any other mother, maybe he could have been happy.”

Leia actually looked like Poe had slapped her. Then, “Get out.”

”Fine.” 

Poe left, and he couldn’t help but wonder why he was suddenly angry on Ben’s behalf. Ben had tortured him. The truth was that his emotions were all over the place. Ben had hurt him. General Organa had lied to him. The Skywalker-Solo family, with the exception of Han, was toxic. And Poe hated and loved Ben so fiercely it hurt. 

He shouldn’t have said what he did. And yet he’d been so angry...

It was on the way out of the cockpit that he bumped into Rey. “It wasn’t hard to hear it,” she said. “You can really get loud when you’re upset.”

”How much did you hear?”

”Well, I caught the end where you blamed Leia for what happened to Ben. Which is unfair, actually.”

”She might have been Ben’s mother, but she didn’t give a damn about him.”

”Can you blame her?”

”Even before Ben fell...”

Rey shook her head. “Leia wasn’t the reason Ben fell. Luke was.”

”What?” Even that word sounded incredibly far away. 

Rey sighed. “I thought I’d at least give you answers. You deserve that much. And maybe you won’t accuse Leia of something she had no part in.”

They spoke in private, in Poe’s room. Rey sighed. “Luke lied about it,” she said. “He...made it look like Kylo attacked first. He made it look like he was some sort of tragic teacher with a bad seed for a student. Kylo was the one who told me the truth, and Luke confirmed it.”

Poe nodded. Already, he hated where this was going. "What is the truth? Did...Luke try to kill Ben?”

Rey sighed. “He contemplated doing it. He ultimately didn’t do it, but...”

Poe could have sworn that a Gamorrean had just kicked him. “Why? I mean, I know he hated Ben, but he wouldn’t try to kill him, or think about doing it...”

”He saw what Snoke was doing to Ben. And he thought Ben had fallen.” Rey swallowed. “He didn’t even show remorse for it. I don’t think there was a remorseful bone in his body.”

So Luke had made Kylo Ren. Because when he could have tried to help Ben, could have saved him, he was so deluded and self-righteous that he lost sight of the bigger picture, lost his compassion...

”Thank you, Rey.” Poe said.

”I wish I had better news.” Rey said. “I...don’t know if anyone can reach him at this point. Whatever conflict there was in him is probably consumed by anger and pain.” She sounded reluctant to acknowledge it even as she spoke. “The Jedi texts say that no one on the Dark path is lost forever...but I don’t know what or who he’ll listen to. Han couldn’t save him, I couldn’t save him. The best we can do is stay alive.”

”Yeah,” Poe said. “Exactly.”


End file.
